A Summer of Reflection

So summer has started. My friends have left. I have said goodbye to the seniors and now it is time to get to work. This summer I felt called to stay at Monmouth and work a full time maintenance job, though I haven't been positive as to why God has called for such a thing.

The job itself is fairly simple. I do everything from cleaning to mowing. The hard part has been at 4:00pm when work is over and I have to go back to my room. For the previous three days I was the only one still living in Cleland Hall. I had to pack in order to move on Wednesday night and therefore spent my time from 4pm-11pm completely alone.

This was not easy to do, as most people know I am what you would call a "people person." To be left alone with myself came with a lot of challenges. I sometimes prefer to be alone, but when it is forced upon you it is a different story. I have come to realize that I look for myself in what I see in other people. What I mean is that I look towards other people to give me satisfaction and happiness.

This habit became even worse during these last few days. I spent most of my time texting a new friend of mine, and the rest of the time wondering why they weren't responding to me.

This can become very stressful on a relationship because humans are not meant to be able to provide that much attention and devotion. The kind of attention I demanded became damaging to myself. It started eating at me as I began to think "maybe this person doesn't like me, or doesn't want to talk to someone like me." This in turn causes your friendship or relationship with this person to become strained or even broken for a time. You become paranoid or doubtful of the persons intentions and actions.

I noticed that one thing I did not do during these two days was talk to God. I might have offered a prayer once or twice, but I never truly sat down to talk or to listen. This is because I was "looking for love in all the wrong places."

I sought appreciation and love from a source that couldn't provide that to me. This was only one person, and the kind of attention I needed was something that only God could give me.

When it came down to it and I was all alone, I realized that I found fulfillment in others, people that can come and go at any time.


Once I stepped back and checked my motivations I realized I was in so much pain because what I wanted could not be provided by anything on this earth. I was looking into a well that could only provide a certain amount of water to me. God is a bottomless well, one that can keep on providing for as long as you choose to drink. I chose to drink from the first well and soon realized that the second well is the one that I needed.

So is there a deeper message to this post? Nope. God provides a love that nothing or no one else can provide, and to those who look for water in other wells will soon come to realize how often they find themselves searching for new ones.

As I went through this first trial at the beginning of this summer, I am beginning to realize God's purpose for me here. I feel that God is shaping me, molding me into something, although I'm not sure what it is yet. This summer is going to be a time of reflection and growth. I also feel that there are many more trials ahead of me, as God continues to teach me more about myself, and about my relationship with him.

Bottom Line: When you get caught up in everything around you, shut the world off. Take a step back and reflect upon your motivations, actions, and emotions. Look at everything you do and ask yourself why you do it. I feel this is part of my purpose this summer, to go through this reflection process and share it.